Tech pisstakers

Humorous naked tech

Worst USB flash drive – The penis drive

The Syringe was considered the worst USB flash device to date. Someone suggested that the designers of the horrendous piece of solid state storage were aiming their product at doctors and junkies. Sounds about right, because it was certainly of no interest to the mass market.

I like to push the design envelope wherever possible, so I put my thinking cap on and came up with another niche flash drive design – The Penis.

It is a cross between a floppy disk and a USB stick. Place your limp device into a USB slot in your PC and within 4 milliseconds it stands to attention, unlike any other pen drive.

When you start surfing, a small chip detects any references to penises and other derivatives of the word. When it spots a penis or penis in action on a web page, it will auto download material. The more porn it finds, the more it downloads, and unlike any other solid state storage device, it has almost no limits to size. Thanks to a unique design its capacity to store data grows unbridled, and its growth can only be stunted either by exhausting every sexual reference on the internet, or by closing your browser and depowering your laptop.

One user who pushed the flash drive to the limit and failed to disconnect from x rated sites, ended up watching his Penis drive breaking a hole in the wall of his 8 storey penthouse apartment. The fire service had to be called to save him and his neighbors from certain death.

I never found a manufacturer willing or able to produce this penis pen drive. Maybe when the Minority report era has finally dawned? There is more USB storage machinations over at The


February 22, 2008 Posted by | Humor, storage | , , , , , | 1 Comment

Flash drives, ah haaah, from EMC

The naked tech truth about hard drives is that flash storage is pretty cool. You can jump all over an iPod and, thanks to the flash drive, it won’t miss a music beat; you can throw your camera out an aeroplane and the flash card will survive unscathed, assuming it doesn’t land in a fire. And as time moves on, the itty bitty 128MB drives have evolved into the gigabytes.

And now, EMC, the masters of the data storage universe, where they think in terabytes and beyond, are the first to incorporate solid state flash drives for industry. Woah, it finds info so fast on your hard drive that it shows the results before you even finish your search term!

I wondered what it would be like to pack one of those flash drive babies into your iPod. Talk about putting a big bulge in your pocket, having to lug one of those around. And a hole in your pocket to buy one.
Of course, EMC couldn’t care less about iPods, they have bigger fish to fry, but on the domestic front, it is a hint of the future of PC hard drives. Amongst other things, instant on computers will be feasible. There we go, another 30 seconds a day saved.

What will you do with your 30 seconds? Listen to a sample of music on iTunes? EMC execs will probably use the extra half minute to compute their extra money.

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January 14, 2008 Posted by | corporate news, Humor, storage | , , , , | 2 Comments